Monday, January 5, 2009
Remembering & Pondering
As I sit here at the beginning of 2009 I look back on the joys and heartbreaks of my life and realize that I have an awful lot to be greatful for. My Heavenly Father really does love me and there is really a purpose in my being her at this time. Having survived 3 episodes of near death and experiencing a beautiful field of flowers and a warm brightness during the last of these times I definetly get the feeling that I have more to accomplish. I would like to think that it has somthing to do with being a mother and grandmother (there is nothing more wonderful). I love being around each one of my children and playing a part in their adventures. I love sitting down on the floor and playing with my little grandson and enjoying the sweet spirit that he is. They are the joys of my life and I look forward to thier continued growth and happiness as they find and share thier sweet spirits with others. I have a sweet man that loves me just how I am even with my many faults and moods. He brings me breakfast in bed and while I enjoy a calgon soak in the tub. He rubs my back and feet when they ache. He cleans the toilet and does laundry. He is a great cook and has played chef for many years because he loves me. I am so grateful for the knight in shinning armor that he is for me. He is a great father and a spiritual giant in our family. He respects the priestood in which he holds and the great power that it is. He has blessed all of us with it. I love my extended family. My mother especially is an outstanding example of what following in Christ's footsteps really is. She has done so all of her life without complaining or feelings of self pity. She truely has earned her rewards in Heaven at our Fathers feet. I admire her strength and integrity. Her willingness to tough it out to the end. I hope that I can be half the woman she is. I love my sister and my 2 brothers. They all have endured many trials and have overcome many hardships. I would like to be closer to all 3 of them and share more in their lives. I hope that this new year will afford those opportunities for me to do so. I look forward to Amy's sealing with her sweetheart Chuck. Our family just keeps growing with fabulous people being added. I love all of my dear neices and newphews. I hope that I will get the chance to associate with the few that I don't see very often. I love being an Auntie almost as much as a mother. Well here's to the new year and all the wonders that it will bring. May I have the strength and courage to overcome my trials for they are hand picked just for me by a loving Father. May I face my sorrows with understanding and faith that a brighter dawn is around the bend. May I see and recognize the joy in everything around me. May I become a better person!! Ü
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I love this post! I love my Auntie! :-)
ReplyDeleteTrish, That is unfair. Why would you say such words? I know that there is pain, real pain, with everyone involved. Grandma Carol is the one that is stuck in the middle and it has always pained and bothered me that she suffers the most with this. I will protect my children from Chad and Dee. I am following the spirit with this. Please understand. Amy and I have talked about how to meet and figure something out for Carol. I'm attending the Temple to find out what to do. Please don't judge, that is for none of us to do. (Please don't roll your eyes at that, you'll never know the pain I had leaving that night 2 years ago). I knew at that moment that one relationship would be caught in the middle forever--Carol. Time has been a blessing and I know that you (Sommercorns), Amy & Bif, Diane, have been the ones with out the children. I know how hard it is to have this seperation. Please forgive me in terms of all this. My heart aches deeply, But I've been following my Heavenly Father. I can't see into the future. I can't see what will happen in the next ten minutes. All I know is that it is up to the Lord to make it possible. I am following the direction with that, whether you belive it or not. Let's all pray together with full purpose that there is a way for the children to see their Grandma Carol more frequently. I miss and love her terribly. I'll wait to hear from you.
ReplyDeleteApril
April,
ReplyDeleteWhat am I expected to think when I leave a comment here and there and get nothing back! Even an acknowledgement is better than nothing. I opened this blog just so I could communicate with you. It seems that when I hit a sensitive chord you finally talk. Try to understand that no communication is not the answer to trying to mend broken hearts. My mother still cries every night over the lack of not seeing the kids. Open communication is the key to help solving this situation. Only talking through Amy will not do it.... there are a lot more people involved. Let's try working TOGETHER. Trying to find a way to communicate with you was a trial in itself. I should never have even had that to begin with. That communication would not have hurt your children in the least. OPEN THE LINES APRIL. If you care about my mother like you say you do than cutting her completely off would not have been done to her nor the children. They don't even know her much any more and think that she doesn't care much for them, which we both know is not true. Heavenly Father would want the communication to be there otherwise I don't think I would have been able to open this ugly blog. Please understand I'm not judging you.... we're just all hurt by the cut off from last year.... I emailed you and said that we needed to talk....and there was nothing. I'm glad that you are starting a new life but you can't, as much as you want to, completely leave your childrens other family behind. When mom saw pictures with "grandma Ann" she started to cry. "I've been replaced in the childrens eyes. They don't even know me anymore." Think about it April and get back to me
Prayers are said weekly on behalf of Grandma Carol. No one is replaced...they are added unto. Three grandma's are a blessing. It is not one or the other...it is all. Grandma Carol has her place. Grandma Sue has her place, and so does Grandma Ann. We are all part of this family.
ReplyDeleteAs far as "cutting you off" I am sorry for that it hurt all of us. I simply follow the will of the Lord. Does that mean he wanted the hurt to happen to anyone...no. Whether you understand that or not...it is okay. I love this family. I have always loved you, your children, Mike, Carol, Amy, Bif, Diane...can you please just look at my perspective? I love my heavenly father and I follow his will to the best I can. Pain and Joy are a part of it all...and for my children as well.
Please know that he that is slow to anger is blessed. I love you Trish. I am sorry that you might feel differently with me. Our family is all involved because we are His family.
I pray for Chad...he has always had the power to see the kids. He just hasn't done it yet. He has had the power the whole time. He does not want supervised visitation...that is what is declared by the courts.
Trish, I am happy for you and for your family's success. Melissa's little one is a blessing. That is so wonderful. Your Lindsay, Kallie, Justin, Ryan, and Matt are blessings. Family is a blessing...I count all of you as such.
Prayers, tender mercies of the Lord are all here for us to partake. Communication is important...I fully agree.
Trish, please don't lecture me to "think about things"...I am blessed to have the spirit in my life and I follow it. No one has ever replaced Carol, she is grammy Carol.
I hope to hear again from you.
April,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you feel so judged.... you know that I have never begrudged you for leaving my brother. My relationship with him has changed because of his stupidity and both of us must deal with that on our own and with the help of our Savior we can and will. We are trying to work together on him arranging visitation with his children. The line of communication has been opened once again. He is a crushed spirit that needs understanding and love. But the courts said nothing about not allowing my mother visitation don't punish her for her sons mistakes. I doubt as well that our Heavenly Father would have wanted this for her. You talk about the place of the grandmas'. Grandma Carols' place in your mind must be at a distance because that is where you have placed her for your children. She has not been well lately and her grandchildren need to know her before she leaves this earth. Letting her come to see them without Dee or Chad should have been allowed long before now. How can you say she should not feel that she has been replaced when they are not allowed her company. We have tried to be patient, but 2 years.... you are getting on with your life... let her come to your house and see her grandchildren. How is that going to affect your children other than they will see that you don't have ill feelings towards their grandmother for welcoming her into their environment. Chad has his own struggles to see his children but mom should never have been included in his hell. She did sooooo much to help you with your children more so than your own mother did. Each grandmother should have their own place with their grandchildren. Being a grandmother myself I can really feel my mothers pain. I've been to the Temple.... I've prayed.... and the answers that I recieve are that it's time. Time to forgive, time to love, time to be forgiven, time to share in the joy of family, time to not judge anyone. Let's start this year a new and be the family that we can be. Not what we were in the past, it will never be that, but a special, sharing and loving family that can get along with one another. Believe me when I say I know what I'm talking about coming from divorced parents myself and the relationship was always strained between the 2 sides. My mother never put my father down to me. At least I was allowed to see my grandparents even though my father didn't do what the courts ordered. My mother knew that when I was old enough I would find out for myself what the truth was. And I did. But if my mother had denied me my grandparents I may have had bad feelings towards her decision of denial as well. She did follow the footsteps of our Savior in not allowing her feelings of hurt and betrayel to interfer. We should be able to take the kids without concern of harm. We are their family and we care for them and their well being just like you and your family do. We would never wish for any harm to come to them either. We know what the courts have ordered and we don't want to break any laws either. But it's time April to start a new way for our two families. I know we can do it, if we both want it bad enough. I love you and I always have. I admire the strong woman that you are. You and mom are really a lot alike and I have always thought that. Both of you have been through hell and back and still have a strong testimony and spirit about you. Please believe me when I say that I miss you and wish that things were different. I don't like having to be the one to be so forthright. I just feel that I have to be the one to stop walking on the egg shells and try to get things resolved. I know that you would rather go through Amy,and you have, but I do know more about my mothers feelings than her grand daughter does. My mother and I are about as close as a mother and daughter could ever be. Please be mindful of that. Amy is very sweet and would do anything for her grammy. But she's not going to say things that must be said for fear of hurting feelings. I don't like to hurt you either, there has already been enough pain, please lets work together. I know that we can and with our Saviors help anything is possible. I hope to hear again from you.
Carol received a letter from me. She will respond to it. Thanks for all your efforts, the Lord's efforts, and efforts of angles. Prayers and time are blessings. The tough part of all of this is that Dee is not to be involved. Dee will call and be very rude and accusing. The protective order talks about direct and indirect communication. With Dee it is not good. Carol again was the victim of all of this. Anyway, I'll wait to hear from Carol. Thanks for responding.
ReplyDeleteI thought we are communicating. I just made comments with you today. Trish, Carol will see the children. Carol is the grammy and she will see them sooner then you think. We are taking it one step at a time. Please do not worry. We love you--we can set up time to have the kids come over to you as well. The Lord has his timing with all of this. You do not say things that are hard to bear. My heart has been thinking about this since April-Spring Conference.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest with you, the hurtful words were said last spring. None of the words you have said recently have hurt.
I think it is fine to sit down and talk to you. How about Wednesday evening the 14th at 7pm at Cafe Rio in Taylorsville or at your place. If that doesn't work let me know. You know where to get a hold of me.
My mom is happy that you have included her in the childrens lives. I only hope that it continues. You must think that I didn't know about my moms visit. Come on April your smarter than that. You know that my mom and I are very close. However your comment about hurtful words last Spring baffle me... I pulled up my emails from then and there was no hurtful comment there. I really can't think of anything that was said that was hurtful. You oviously took offense to something that was not ment to be so. You judge me unfairly!
ReplyDeleteI know that you know about Carol's visit. It was a wonderful time. The kids were so happy to see her, and I was so glad to get to talk to her. I wrote a letter to Carol explaining a lot and as we talked on Sunday we were able to express so much to each other. That was very healing to both of our relationships. I didn't hear back from you about Wednesday..maybe it was a bad day. Is there another time that you would like to get together and talk? I now have a meeting with the Stake President on Wednesday, so lets plan for another.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to here back from you so that we can meet. Great family Picture! That really looks fantastic. I'll wait to hear.
I didn't hear back from you about Wednesday...I bet you are very busy with life. I know that the fam is first so no worries. Just let me know when we can meet and I'll work out a schedule to be there. Have a great day.
ReplyDeleteApril
April,
ReplyDeleteSorry about the no comment...life does get hectic with a family... even when they are teens. I thought it would slow down... hold on tight April, you're going for a ride! My mother was very gratful for the meeting but she still is very hesitant to really say all that she feels. I doubt she ever will but that's ok. As long as she is happy we all are. I still would like to get together with you and chew the fat. I do medical exams on Friday and Saturday mornings and some evenings but the good thing is, is that I get to make my own schedule so it shouldn't interfer. Let me know when you can and I'll see what I can do.
Trish
Great. This weekend we are going to the Draper Temple open house and doing other family things, but let me look at the calendar and I'll get back to you by this afternoon. I got to get back to grades and to the data summary.
ReplyDeleteApril
Sorry I didn't get back...my turn for life. Kids are not handling the air quality right now. I'll be home with Isaac giving him treatments round the clock...Virginia too. YEah for Asthma. Anyway, I'll be busy the next three weekends with wedding photos, meeting more extending family (winter reunion) and so forth...It is looking like into Feb--as far as a weekend goes...but I can meet on a week night earily. What does Jan 29 look like? get back to me?
ReplyDelete